I am cooking late lunch, having fiddled with computer equipment and then, the hunger hit, and I had to down tools, and eat. And it feels like a Sunday not midweek. I found my mother’s funeral service leaflet amongst all the draw of computer software, and the poem that I had tried to construct for the graveside gathering. I describe my mother as ‘a rose without a sting, or bite’, and cheesy as that might seem it is accurate for the most part. My memoire hopefully will appear in part to show the gentle side of my childhood. When I read about education and part of that reading included a little book by the Montesore education system. It describes how we remember things, and likens the attainment of knowledge to the lungs breathing in air for the first time. And it is this that I want to put into the memoire. In essence, there is a reason for feeling a bit empty, or unsure when we are young, as lack of attainment of knowledge, is in part, to blame. The more I read, as I went along in life, the better my understanding of life became. Socially, we are ‘what we eat’, in terms of knowledge. And I think that shows up a lot when you get people from different backgrounds trying to work side by side, and not really understanding eachother. It is something I have noticed over the years, and the reason sometimes I felt isolated, when others around me had not really been interested in studying at degree level, but, had taken different paths. The film story Educating Rita, just comes to mind, that for some people gaining further or higher education, might help them to a better position in life, but the route toward that elixir, of upward mobility, whether that means class or riches, I am not sure. Socially, people become set apart, and sometimes it is not their fault. In the film Rita’s friends change, and she separates from her working class builder husband, to delight in the fruits of her reading and learning. She grew to respect herself a lot more for obtaining a final degree at university. I cannot knock taking the time out for study. And whenever life has been really bad, books take you to another place, and you can find a kind of transcendance to greater things occuring.
My only complaint, I guess is I didn’t go higher! And when I have worked in ordinary jobs, the serious lack of intellectual exchange, has left me often lonely. Not just being alone, but, because, I need now to exercise my mind with people who are at that higher level. Reading is satisfying but, not enough. So writing, well it does feel better too, to be doing something, with the knowledge.
I have not summed up the past five years yet. I felt as though I was sinking into a hole, of routine, while working in a library. I still liked to have a salary, but, was not wholly satisfied at all. Serving students really is not teaching, well in some part it is if you sort their problems out with I.T.! I may even have to bow to the greater judgement of others. But, I am progressing ideas for writing, and it is a bit more entertaining. I need a high dose of patience. What a winter’s day.